• Stop expecting that your spouse should be the same as you.
• Let go of the fantasy ideal person you think exists out there somewhere that understands everything about you.
• Focus on your similarities and strengthen them.
• Accept Your Spouse with all his differences.
• Let go of control and micromanaging.
• Find creative solutions to the places where you are different.
• Believe that your differences will eventually be your greatest strengths.

Also mentioned in this article: https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/My-Husband-And-I-Are-Opposites

Marriage Media Mention: Kosher Lust

Scripture mentioned: Ecclesiastes 7:8: Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

First of all, I suggest that you make a plan for this day. Don\’t let yourself end up alone, depressed, with nothing to do but feel bad for your situation. Decided what you would like to do on this day. You may want to go with another stepmom or a single friend with no children. You may wish to be alone, too. If you do, though, choose an activity for yourself that makes you feel grounded, and reminded of who you are before being a stepmother became your focus.

Another way to turn your Mother\’s Day around is to put time and effort into truly remembering your own mother. You are a daughter — take the time to remember your mom! If it\’s possible, visit her. If it\’s not, take time to call and send a present. If your mom is no longer with you, take time honour her in some way. Journal about why you miss her. Or take part in an activity that the two of you shared.

A third way to make Mother\’s Day easier is to understand the main reason that stepchildren do not acknowledge their stepmom on Mother\’s Day. It is because of loyalty binds. Acknowledging you on this special day may feel like they are betraying their biological mom. Even worse, their mother may explicitly tell them not to like you, never mind give you flowers on Mother\’s Day. I wrote more about this issue on last year\’s Mother\’s Day blog.

Another thing to consider on this holiday is asking your husband to do something to honour you: maybe a dinner or flowers. This might feel strange but learning to communicate more directly can sometimes be helpful. Of course, this suggestion will depend on your comfort level and the dynamic of your individual relationship.

Finally, try to remember that kids just generally are not grateful. As a grade six teacher, I had tell my students to say \”thank you\” because they rarely said it on their own. This is not uncommon. Children have to be taught gratefulness — it doesn\’t come naturally — and they are also ungrateful to their own parents. Even if you were their biological mother, there\’s a good chance you would also feel unappreciated and unnoticed.

In this week\’s Marriage Episode, I recommed the podcast, Stepmom Club. I love the host\’s humilty and honesty.

In the Scripture reading, I read Psalm 25:1-2:

 Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

Talking about hurts from past relationships is tough. It can be embarrassing, and it can feel like it\’s going backwards, when we just want to move on. But sometimes the only way to truly move forward is to go back for a while, to truly heal from the past. The first step to healing is to acknowledge and release our feelings.

In today\’s podcast, we talk about practical ways we can heal from past emotional hurts. Whatever the feelings are, whether sadness, anger, disappointment or confusion, acknowledging the emotions is the first step to allowing them less power in your life. These are the seven tools mentioned in this episode:

1. Journaling: To help you get in touch with your emotions, you may wish to journal. Use a journal to document the emotions that you are going through. Allow yourself the liberty to write freely.
2. Nature: You might go for walks alone and just spend time thinking, or praying.
3. Exercise: Vigorous exercise can really help you release difficult emotions, especially anger.
4. Prayer: f you are a believer, talk to the Lord about it. A good therapist can also help to draw these emotions out. 
5. Art: Art of any kind, whether painting, drawing, dancing or drama, can all be therapeutic.
6. Share your story with another human being (friend, family member, spouse)
7. Share your story with a professional (counsellor, coach, pastor.)

This week, in Marriage Media, I recommend the movie, We Bought a Zoo. 

Our Scripture for this week is Psalm 116:1. 

Also mentioned in this episode: 

Happily Ever After Again: Hope, Healing & Love for Second Marriages

Other episodes in the Journey to Healing series: 

https://secondmarriage.xyz/journey-to-healing-introduction

So, what can you do? How do you bridge the gap with these strangers who are now living in your home? How do you build connection, family, and togetherness when there are so many obstacles in your way? My book, 16 Gifts from a Stepmom: Encouragement for the Blended Family Journey, talks about how to do this. The book gives sixteen ways to connect with the new kids in your life, from encouragement to \”Daddy Time\” to fun. I put this book together from my own experience as a stepmom and therefore understand the issues and the feelings that come up, and I want you to know that your role is invaluable. Stepmoms may feel left out and isolated (which is normal), but they do have so much to give and offer in their situation.

In today\’s podcast, I talk about my book, \”16 Gifts from a Stepmom: Encouragement for the Blended Family Journey.\” I go over the chapters of the book and then read the last chapter, called \”You are Building a Legacy.\” I also talk about the first Happily Ever After Again Podcast Contest.

Show Notes

My book: https://amzn.to/3eLJPUW
Marriage Media Book: https://amzn.to/3lnNp9
Contest Page: 10th Episode Contest
Episode about the Gift of Authenticity: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome as a Stepmom

Do you ever go through periods in your marriage when you feel distant from your partner: almost like strangers? Do you ever long for more connection and dialogue between you? Authentic conversation, going beyond the mundane necessities of schedules, childcare, or housework, is vital for all of us. We need to get to know each other again and again because we are always changing.

In this podcast, I talk to Jed and Jen Jurchenko about the importance of communicating with each other, regularly, so we don’t become strangers. Jen emphasized how difficult this can be when we are all so busy. Can anyone relate?

You could say Jed and Jen are pretty passionate about this topic. They recently finished a challenge with their community urging couples to make daily connection points. Jed has also written a series of books on the topic, called the Creative Conversation Series. The series consists of eight books, all. designed to give conversation prompts for couples and families. You can find Jed online at I Thrive 320,

Have You Tried Conversation Starters?

My first experience with conversation starters was when my parents brought a new game home for us, called the Ungame. The back of the board said it was being a game without competition. No winners and no losers! At first, we thought it seemed kind of strange, but once we got into it, we were hooked! Those “un-games” were some of my best childhood memories, as we were constantly astonished and fascinated by each others’ answers.

Have you ever tried conversation starters? They can be in the form of a game or a book, or even a set of cards. I am a big believer in these fun tools and have created a free product called 10 Questions to Love to help couples to get to know each other better.

Like Jed said in our interview, conversation starters give you permission to ask difficult questions. You can blame the questions if something sounds awkward or embarrassing. And tools like this aid us in helping you get more connected as partners.

In this podcast episode, we also share about blended family challenges, co-writing a book, and Jed’s motivation for writing the series. Jed c what his first thought was upon seeing his future wife! Listen in for inspiration, encouragement, and raw honesty.

To find out more about Jed and Jen, you can reach them at their website: https://www.blog.ithrive320.com/
You can also see all of Jed\’s books here: https://www.amazon.com/Jed-Jurchenko/e/B00OU2OTG0
You can find the sponsor of the show, my book, here: https://amzn.to/2Pf6EFR

So, first of all, you may be wondering why I called Valentine’s Day controversial. Well, let’s be honest … this particular little holiday can bring a lot of pressure! When you’re single, it’s pressure to have a boyfriend, or at least, a date. If you are alone on this day, that single state just seems magnified.

And if you are dating someone, there is the pressure of celebrating the holiday with just the right amount of seriousness. A gift that says “I like you,” without saying “I want to have your babies” if you’re not at the serious stage yet.

And maybe you thought the pressure would end when you got married, but NO! There can still be pressure for married people, too! Finding the right gift, year after year. Figuring out the perfect date, annually,

Valentine’s Day brings up the whole idea of romance and how important it is to each of you. Valentine’s Day can either remind you that you don’t have romance

• Valentine’s Day plans don’t have to be made by the man in order to be romantic. They can be made by whoever is better at making plans and whoever comes up with the ideas.
• Valentine’s Day is a joint venture. It should always be celebrated out of love, not out of pressure and expectations. Expectations can absolutely kill love and romance.
• Sometimes “Less is More” when it comes to gifts.

My List of Great Movies for Valentine’s Day

1. The Proposal – cynicism about marriage, getting married for the wrong reasons. Typical chick flick: boy hates girl and yada yada … but the cast makes this formula work so well! Ryan Gosling, Sandra Bullock, Betty White and Craig T. Nelson. How can you go wrong? And I loved was all views of Alaska!

2. We Bought a Zoo – about a window struggling to let go of his wife and open himself to a possible new love right in front of him. Loved the animals.

3.The Pursuit of Happyness: Will Smith and his son, Jaiden. This is a story of a man who never seems to catch a break. He is a salesman trying to sell a product that nobody wants, and this continued pursuit of a futile dream leads to the demise of his marriage. His wife leaves him and his son alone, and he loses his home. The love story in this movie is primarily focused on the man and his son. It’s also very inspiring as we watch a homeless man pursue his dream of becoming a successful stockbroker.

4. The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete. Well, speaking of homelessness, we have another absolutely beautiful story of two people who have lost everything but have each other and that is everything. I will warn you that this movie does have at least one explicit scene. It is definitely not suitable for children, with a lot of “street language.” But what a story! It truly is the story of the love between two kids and the way they depend on one another in the face of abandonment and complete poverty. It is funny and original with a strong, poetic voice. I loved this movie!

5. Up in the Air. This is a cynical tale of a man who “has it all,” but realizes too late that he really has nothing. A successful corporate shark, his job is to go around the country and fire executives who have become redundant to their employers. He does it with such grace and smoothness that only George Clooney could play and doesn’t care who he hurts. Until it finally dawns on him that all of his money and airline points really add up a whole lot of nothing. It is the acting and the writing that make this movie special.

I also discuss why healing can be so hard for some of us. One of the reasons is that we haven\’t completed the grieving process. Maybe we were so busy when the divorce (or death or other tragedy) happened that we neglected to let ourselves really go through the emotions needed to truly grieve. So, the process was postponed. Another reason that healing can seem impossible is that we may have experienced trauma in the past. A way to check for a former trauma reaction is to ask ourselves if we ever felt fear or terror while we were either in the relationship, or after the relationship ended. A third reason can be challenging is that events from our childhood are still affecting us, causing a complex loss.

Finally, I introduce the 4-part healing process. First, we need to acknowledge what we are feeling, and find a way to handle the feelings, and then release them. Journaling and prayer are potent ways of doing this. Secondly, we need to acknowledge our responsibility for our situation. This step doesn\’t mean berating or condemning ourselves but instead recognizing that our choices had something to do with what happened to us. Thirdly, we need to forgive because forgiveness truly sets us free to love again. And finally, we need to change our thinking about our situation. Transforming our thoughts helps us stay out of ruts and to move in a more positive direction.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Happily Ever After Again Workbook: Happily Ever After Again Workbook
• The Mystery of Marriage, by Mike Mason. 
• Psalm 34:18
• Grace of Monaco Movie

[podcast_subscribe id=\”2656\”]

I also discuss some health lessons I learned this year, and some lessons about myself and my strength. I share some technical things I learned. (Hint: the main one was how to start a podcast!) And finally, I end up with some whimsical things I learned, such as certain games I learned how to play.

Marriage Media: The Woman in White

In every show, I talk about something I\’ve been reading, listening or watching lately, in regards to marriage. In this episode, I talked about a show called The Woman in White. This five-part series, produced in 2018, focuses on a rather innocent young man named Walter Hartright, who is living a carefree existence as a painter, with no money but lots of freedom, who is recommended for a job as a tutor to the nieces of a well-to-gentleman. There, he meets two free-styling young women who are independent and intelligent and appreciate his company very much. He starts to fall in love with one of them but finds out that she has a secret that forbids her from getting too close.

This darkly lit, mysterious series is so well done and draws you in to find out more about these intriguing characters. By the end, we are shown a clear picture of the difference between marriage for money and convenience and marriage for love. Domestic abuse, both physical and emotional, are painted in realistic and horrifying detail. We see the traumatic effects of abuse on the psyche of a woman. I highly recommend this series if you are also a fan of historical fiction. It is a bit dark, and not family-friendly, but it is thoughtfully shot, with outstanding writing. I was also surprised to see how much insight the show had on the subject of love and marriage.

Mentioned in this Episode

Show sponsor: the book, Happily Ever After Again: Hope, Healing & Love for Second Marriages. 

Marriage Media: The Woman in White

Online games:Skribbl.io and Code Word

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5: Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

1. The gift of your body
2. The gift of your ear
3. The gift of your service
4. The gift of your acceptance
5. The gift of your kindness
6. The gift of your humour
7. The gift of your intelligence
8. The gift of your growth
9. The gift of your happiness
10. The gift of your faith

Today\’s Scripture verse is Luke 2:11:
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

Mentioned in this episode: The Family Man
Family Review of the movie, The Family Man: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/the-family-man

Five Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome as a Stepmom

1. Remember your passions! What makes you feel alive? Find time to do something that makes you passionate, even if it is only for a couple of hours a week. Remembering who you are is one of the keys to feeling more authentic as a stepmom.
2. Care for yourself. We often find self-care difficult as stepmothers. First of all, we are usually busier, and often more stressed. And we have given up some of our prior habits to help accomodate our blended families. So, choose just one thing to improve your self-care.
3. Set better boundaries. Boundaries are very important in blended familes. Setting up boundaries can include things like not allowing rude behaviour and making sure that everyone has their own space.
4. Be vulnerable sometimes. You won\’t want to do this all the time but once in a while, it can be effective to honestly share your feelings with your stepkids.
5. Let others in. We often isolate ourselves as stepoms because we feel like our situation is so crazy that no one could possibly understand. Let someone else into your life, and be honest about what\’s happening. Whether it\’s a trusted friend or a counsellor, sharing the truth of your situation can go a long way to beating the \”imposter syndrome\” as a stepmom.

Mentioned in this episode:

My Book: 16 Gifts Book

Ron Deal\’s Book: The Smart Stepfamily

Some of my Polyvore Art Sets (ones by prairieprincess) on Pinterest Board: https://www.pinterest.ca/sharilees/polyvore-art-sets

Note: I just found out, by looking for my old sets, that Polyvore is no longer in existence.

Matthew 1:20: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+1%3A20&version=KJV